I got chris browned last night
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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