I CAN MOONWALK!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
