woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Randomize
