Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
