if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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