Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
