She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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