i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
