i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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