I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
