Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
