Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
