dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
