I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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