Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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