Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
organizing the empties. That sober.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My bed smells like the plague
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize