I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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