A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
