are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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