so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
