no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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