it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
