2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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