it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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