So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
