fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
