found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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