Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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