new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
