That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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