just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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