Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
