theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
