Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
