Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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