if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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