All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
