Moan for me like Helen Keller
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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