hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
