ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
