the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
