if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
