I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
