My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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