i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
