also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
