i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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