Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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