I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
