My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
