Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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