she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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