one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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