Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
