You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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