from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Still dying that you shit outside
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
