Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
