There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
