Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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