She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
