Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
