I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
