And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
