What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
