Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
