Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
