Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize