I accidentally had phone sex last night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
