im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
