Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
