I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
