I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
