Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
