im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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