I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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